never play flip cup with pint glasses
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
