awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
