I CAN MOONWALK!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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