I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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