yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do vagina's smell?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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