Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
