hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
