just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
