Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
