I understand Curling. That high.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
