so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
