So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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