I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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