I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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