I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
