if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
