Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
