just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The ass gains better be worth it
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