you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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