I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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