i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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