i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
