Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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