I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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