Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
