I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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