have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
