Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
