i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
