She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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