If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
