Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
