If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
