Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
