I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
