i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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