Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
