he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
