Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
