Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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