we're chasing vodka with high fives
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Still dying that you shit outside
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
