he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
