if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
