Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
