Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
