Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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