you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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