you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
