He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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