i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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