Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
